when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Randomize
