Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
