Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
