After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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