The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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