garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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