what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
