Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
