But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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