i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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