The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
