So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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