I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
