just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
