We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Randomize
