we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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