my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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