i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
