I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
