Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
