Soap is not a condiment
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
