Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
