I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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