the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
