You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
