i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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