In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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