We won't sleep together?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
