Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
