I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
