I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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