I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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