Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
