The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
