Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
