Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
