three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
