I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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