If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
