My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Found the puke drawer
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
