she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
