Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
