Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
