mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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