Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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