if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
