Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
True strength comes from lack of pants
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
