when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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