I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
