I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
