Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
