I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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