I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
