Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
