i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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